The Providence Marathon – Pity Party of One

On a run/walk/run with Ty

On a run/walk/run with Ty

I have been going on and on and then on again about my desire NOT to run the Providence Marathon. It has been a full-blown pity party.

Jeff telling me, "You don't have to."

Jeff telling me, “You don’t have to.”

I had registered for the Providence Marathon over runDisney’s Expedition Everest Challenge because of cost and the fear of my husband throwing me out of the house with another visit to Florida this year. The Expedition Everest Challenge was $210 for a team of 2 for a 5K – not to mention travel and other expenses. The Providence Marathon was $90 and 2-hours away.

I have been on a quest to run 50 Marathons in 50 States by the time I’m 50 and because of cancer, treatment and surgeries my plan has had to be modified. Providence was to be an easy marathon off my checklist and the 1st of two full marathons in the Spring. It would also be my 16th full marathon and my 10th State thus earning me the rights to belong to the 50 State Club (another notch off my make-believe belt).

My OB-GYN specifically told me no full marathons until September, but did allow the Providence Half Marathon. My response to running the Providence Half was a full-blown, on the floor kicking and screaming, temper tantrum. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to and you can’t make me.

You see, I don’t NEED to run the Providence Half Marathon. First of all, I paid $90 for the full and the half is $30 cheaper. Second, it’s a Half Marathon in Rhode Island – a Half. I don’t need to do this Half Marathon. I’ve already completed a half in Rhode Island so to me there’s no point in running this one. Third, I should have gone to Walt Disney World and I refuse to let myself miss another runDisney race EVER again.

Run/Walk/Running The Hartford Track Club 1/4 Marathon

Run/Walk/Running The Hartford Track Club 1/4 Marathon

Yes, I am in full pity party mode with a good temper tantrum thrown in for good measure.

My coach agrees with my OB-GYN and wrote this plan for me, “In Providence, it would be best to start at 5/55 for 3 miles, then shift to 10/50. If all is well, go to 10/30. You could run the last 3 miles at 15/45 if all is well. At this point, finishing a half marathon is an amazing accomplishment. Don’t test yourself.”

AGGGGGGGG!!!!! Did you see that plan – I’m walking. The plan is walking. WALKING. I am so sick of walking.

I need a major attitude adjustment, but I just can’t get there. I spoke with my coach twice about being unhappy about walking the Providence Half. He said these simple words that make so much sense, “You don’t have to be.”

You. Don’t. Have. To. Be.

Yes, very true and very Zen.

My husband said if anyone other than my coach, who happens to be Jeff Galloway, said that to me I would have decked him.

We choose to feel a certain way and I had the power within myself to decide how I was going to feel about running the Providence Half. Yes, but I still couldn’t mentally get there.

Then I spoke with Jeff at the Boston Marathon and I told him again I was still struggling with having to walk the Providence Half Marathon. I was struggling with that fact that it was going to take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to finish. I had walked in all the Dopey Challenge races and frankly, that sucked and I didn’t want to do it! I didn’t want to be walking the Providence Half in 3 ½ hours (note – I would have walked the Providence Full in 6 ½ and been delighted). And he told me, “‘Yes, that’s what it is going to take. And it was okay.”

Jeff & I at Boston

Jeff & I at Boston

It’s okay. I should be happy that I’m out there running. It’s okay.

But it’s not okay to me. I can’t get happy about this. I sit here a day before the race with a Providence Full Marathon bib still in my name. I have the choice not to feel failure for downgrading at the expo and running the half. Not to mention I am not capable of even wrapping my head around the fact I am not in shape to run the full. I haven’t put in the miles. I haven’t trained. If someone else had come to me and asked what they should do I would have told them straight out – don’t be stupid, walk the half and be happy about it.

Have you had your own Pity Party of One? What did you do to lift yourself out of the pity?

9 Comments on “The Providence Marathon – Pity Party of One

  1. Sometimes it is about the experience more than the race itself. Remember how much fun we had at princess. We didn’t care about the time. You may not realize it but having you there this weekend helps support me in a way. I will enjoy spending time with you and Gail and it will be great having a friend at the finish line!

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  2. Hang in there, Kim. This too shall pass. We all have pity parties for ourselves once in a while, so don’t beat yourself up about feeling the way you feel. You have had a year that you wouldn’t wish on your enemies, and in my opinion you just want it to be over…and you’re tired of waiting. And nobody will blame you for that.

    I’m actually running the Flying Pig Half tomorrow, and now that I have a full under my belt, it feels weird “just” running a half…and I’m not saying that with an elitist tone. I had the same feeling at The Donna a couple of months ago, but at the end of it all, I had a nice race at the Donna, PR’d, and felt great at the finish…so I’m hoping for the same tomorrow.

    I have to remind myself that I’m running the half for a reason…this is my “interim” phase between fulls. I ran the Disney Full in January, took a step back since and ran a half, a 15K, and will be running another half tomorrow…then in June, it’s back to training mode for Chicago. That’s the prize coming up.

    And you have a prize coming up, too…this is merely an interim phase. Yes, I understand that it’s frustrating, but listen to Jeff G. and get out there and do what he says…no matter how much it pisses you off. And accept that it’s okay to be pissed off about it…because it is.

    Have a great race!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, I have had many pity parties.I DON”T EVEN HAVE CANCER!!! You have EVERY right to. I have Just a stupid, annoying I.T.Band that refuses to realize I am on a mission. I have tried to fight it, but it wins every time. I keep trying to fight the “recovery”, yet I cannot win. It (for now) is winning. I have STARTED to accept that if I am going to be an athlete there will be times that I must be down, slow or rest in order to grow and renew my abilities. I stopped comparing myself to others, or even “my old self” because the here and now are all I have to go on while keeping BIG goals for the future. It SUCKS. I am on a stupid “couch to 5 k”plan now. UGH. Yea, I walk a 5k. I WAS training for my first full, now not so much. The only thing that made me feel better was to see Kara Goucher sit and watch Shalane run Boston and cheer her on, because she too had an injury. I thought “see. the elites even have to sit some out.”. I then realized I am not alone. It will pass, I will heal and I WILL RUN again, even better that before. And so WILL YOU!!!!! You ARE AWESOME, Run or Walk, just know that Kim.

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  4. I had a pity party when I could not run the GO STL 1/2. Got injured at Princess Half and could not train. It sucks so I know just how you feel!

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  5. I’m a little later here since I already saw on twitter that you finished the race and followed your coach and doctors recommendation – good for you! I know you’re itching to get back out there and do the full marathon with more running, but in the long run (no pun intended!) I’m sure it’s best to take care of your body now and let it fully recover!

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  6. Everyone is allowed a pity party – for 10 minutes. Like the hubby reminded me in the middle of mine after this year’s Donald Half when my ITBS ruined my plan to PR, there’s always someone else who’s life is worse than yours. Nothing like a reality smack upside the head to get you back on track! 🙂

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  7. Pingback: It Pays to Listen to Your Coach – Providence Half Marathon Race Report | Maker Mother Marathon Runner

  8. Pingback: Jeff Galloway’s e-Coaching | Maker Mother Marathon Runner

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