The Providence Marathon – Pity Party of One
I have been going on and on and then on again about my desire NOT to run the Providence Marathon. It has been a full-blown pity party.
I had registered for the Providence Marathon over runDisney’s Expedition Everest Challenge because of cost and the fear of my husband throwing me out of the house with another visit to Florida this year. The Expedition Everest Challenge was $210 for a team of 2 for a 5K – not to mention travel and other expenses. The Providence Marathon was $90 and 2-hours away.
I have been on a quest to run 50 Marathons in 50 States by the time I’m 50 and because of cancer, treatment and surgeries my plan has had to be modified. Providence was to be an easy marathon off my checklist and the 1st of two full marathons in the Spring. It would also be my 16th full marathon and my 10th State thus earning me the rights to belong to the 50 State Club (another notch off my make-believe belt).
My OB-GYN specifically told me no full marathons until September, but did allow the Providence Half Marathon. My response to running the Providence Half was a full-blown, on the floor kicking and screaming, temper tantrum. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to and you can’t make me.
You see, I don’t NEED to run the Providence Half Marathon. First of all, I paid $90 for the full and the half is $30 cheaper. Second, it’s a Half Marathon in Rhode Island – a Half. I don’t need to do this Half Marathon. I’ve already completed a half in Rhode Island so to me there’s no point in running this one. Third, I should have gone to Walt Disney World and I refuse to let myself miss another runDisney race EVER again.
Yes, I am in full pity party mode with a good temper tantrum thrown in for good measure.
My coach agrees with my OB-GYN and wrote this plan for me, “In Providence, it would be best to start at 5/55 for 3 miles, then shift to 10/50. If all is well, go to 10/30. You could run the last 3 miles at 15/45 if all is well. At this point, finishing a half marathon is an amazing accomplishment. Don’t test yourself.”
AGGGGGGGG!!!!! Did you see that plan – I’m walking. The plan is walking. WALKING. I am so sick of walking.
I need a major attitude adjustment, but I just can’t get there. I spoke with my coach twice about being unhappy about walking the Providence Half. He said these simple words that make so much sense, “You don’t have to be.”
You. Don’t. Have. To. Be.
Yes, very true and very Zen.
My husband said if anyone other than my coach, who happens to be Jeff Galloway, said that to me I would have decked him.
We choose to feel a certain way and I had the power within myself to decide how I was going to feel about running the Providence Half. Yes, but I still couldn’t mentally get there.
Then I spoke with Jeff at the Boston Marathon and I told him again I was still struggling with having to walk the Providence Half Marathon. I was struggling with that fact that it was going to take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to finish. I had walked in all the Dopey Challenge races and frankly, that sucked and I didn’t want to do it! I didn’t want to be walking the Providence Half in 3 ½ hours (note – I would have walked the Providence Full in 6 ½ and been delighted). And he told me, “‘Yes, that’s what it is going to take. And it was okay.”
It’s okay. I should be happy that I’m out there running. It’s okay.
But it’s not okay to me. I can’t get happy about this. I sit here a day before the race with a Providence Full Marathon bib still in my name. I have the choice not to feel failure for downgrading at the expo and running the half. Not to mention I am not capable of even wrapping my head around the fact I am not in shape to run the full. I haven’t put in the miles. I haven’t trained. If someone else had come to me and asked what they should do I would have told them straight out – don’t be stupid, walk the half and be happy about it.
Have you had your own Pity Party of One? What did you do to lift yourself out of the pity?